Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize