dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
