oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
