Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
