i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
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no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
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Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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