Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
