Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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