Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
we're so committed to being not committed
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
