you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
