got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
