Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
