The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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