What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
