im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
