I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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