you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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