drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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