I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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