It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
