Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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