He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My breath smells like gin and sadness
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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