Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
