The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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