I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize