im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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