I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So many bounce houses so little time
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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