Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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