Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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