Can Purell be used as lube?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
