Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
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I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
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i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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