Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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