so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
