My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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