You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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