OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
