C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
