her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
