well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
