if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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