It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
