last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
