Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize
