God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
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She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
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Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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