it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
