honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
