What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
