To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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