Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
