is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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