we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
