im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
