how can u be prego again
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize