so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Randomize
