If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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