it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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