I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
