Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
someone owes me an orgasm
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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