There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
