I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
