Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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