How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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