i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We need to get me chipped asap
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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