I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
