This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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