Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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