my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
