zippers are such a cool invention
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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